Yesterday a decision was made that may not exactly be “earth shattering,” but for me it was close enough to it. Change. I don’t do well with change unless I see the utmost importance in it, and it has to be a change that I’m 100% on board with (in other words, my idea). My husband has a decent job with decent pay. His boss and coworkers are great, and he has made some great “bus buddies” (as he takes the bus back and forth to work to save money). He went to college to be a chemist, and he’s actually doing it! Not too many people can say that they’re working in the field they studied for. He can. Stability. I love it. It’s probably one of my favorite words (that and onomatopoeia…I just love to say it!). I like to be comfortable. Comfort is knowing what to expect day to day so you can plan out what you’re going to do when, and you know how to make adjustments if need be. But of course my husband (with the help of God) made a decision that changed all that. He accepted an offer for another job.
Ok, how is this a big deal? It’s just a different job that’s actually offering him more money than what his most recent raise just got him (which was also yesterday), and there’s a lot of talk about quarterly bonuses. They’re supplying him with a company car and a cell phone that they pay for. They also pay for the insurance, maintenance and gas for the car (oh yeah!). Great. Fine. Love it. The difference is that he won’t be going to the same building day in and day out. He will be “out in the field,” going from one place to another servicing their equipment. His “territory” is from our city to the next (over an hour away), down to the state border (about 3 hours away). He has to make his own schedule, and if a company needs him he has to go. Oh, and did I mention the training? This year, as a new employee, he has to go for seven weeks of training. Seven hours away. The first training is for three weeks, then two weeks, then one and one. I know that there are women who are unable to see their husbands for long periods of time due to the military, but he didn’t join the military. If he had I would understand it. He’s working locally for a company that just happens to be headquartered in another state.
BIG change. Lots of twists and turns, and a lot of the “unknown.” My husband will gladly tell you that I don’t like the “unknown.” I don’t know what to expect, how to plan things, etc. It’s new and I don’t like it. I had a hard time processing it yesterday, and I wasn’t really given enough time to do so. He called me at 3:38 yesterday afternoon to give me the news, and then I called my mom to let her know. While on the phone my two oldest children got off the bus and started in with their “can I have a snack?” “Can you help me with my homework?” “Jacob! I don’t want you to play with my toy!” AND, I was baking my cornbread casserole to bring to church as it was my Life Group’s turn to make dinner for Alpha. I started it late, forgot it takes an hour to bake, had planned on leaving my house at around 4:45/5:00, but the cornbread was NOT cooperating. I was hounded with “Can’t you just bring a LITTLE bit to church and keep the rest for us?” (my four year old), and “But I FORGOT I did have homework to do tonight! Can’t I just do it now?” (it’s 4:45). By 5:15 I’m on the phone with my husband crying and yelling because the cornbread’s not ready yet, and I had planned on being at church already, my youngest son and my daughter were sitting on the couch because I had blown up at my kids, and my oldest son was in time out for hurting my youngest. Around 5:30(ish) I grabbed the cornbread I had already plated and the baking dish with the cornbread I wasn’t about to deal with, got in the car and drove to church where my husband already was. I told him to meet me in the parking lot because I was in no condition to go inside. I couldn’t stop crying.
It wasn’t the cornbread, it wasn’t the kids, and it wasn’t the fact that I hate to be late. Those were just circumstances that were being piled on me, one right after another and sometimes intermixed, when I was already weak in spirit. As I said before, I didn’t have time to process this change. I know this was God’s Will because I’ve been praying that He guide my husband in his decision, and during this last phone conversation with his “soon-to-be manager,” my husband said, “Yes” before he knew it. He has also been praying about this job, so we do know who it came from. God does not give us anything we can’t handle, even though we may not feel strong enough to accept what He gives us. He also likes to throw us out of our “comfort zones.” I like my comfort zone, thank you very much, but He doesn’t seem to think it’s enough. No, this job is not about me per se, but I and my entire family will be affected by it. All we can do now is trust in Him to get us through. While in the van last night waiting for my husband and kids to come back out of church, I prayed that God give me peace about this. I felt the calming effect he has, and was okay for the rest of the night. I’m not going to pretend I was “great,” and I don’t expect to get over this “fear” right away. It’s a time of adjustment, and I just have to rely on God through it all. This is really going to put my faith to the test.
We all have things in our lives that rip us out of our “comfort zones,” out of the things we know and throw us into the “unknown.” We also know that with God all things are possible, and therefore we should trust Him. He knows us. He knows what we’re capable of even if we don’t. Without Him we will fail, but with Him our eyes will be opened to unending joy. Fear is natural, but we can’t let it consume us. I apologized to God for my outburst at home, and I apologized to my kids as well. “On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand; I will not be moved!” Thank you. Natalie Grant! Now, I just need to, “Breathe. Just breathe.”
I know this is a different post from my “normal,” but it was what was on my heart to write, and I don’t write anything without God. Normally I have references to Scripture and Bible stories, but none of that made it in today. If you read your Bible you can find a lot of people who have been ripped out of their “comfort zones” by God and have risen from it. David was a shepherd boy turned King of Israel. Esther became King Xerxes’ queen, and was given the task of turning Haman in. Saul was thrown off his horse and blinded for a time by the light of Christ, and stopped persecuting the Christians. Plus, not only did he himself become a Christian (and received a new name- “Paul”), but he became the “Apostle for the Gentiles” and was persecuted for his newfound beliefs by the same people he had been “working for.” It happens to us all, and we need to put our faith and trust in the One who made us.
Lord Jesus, I just pray that you continue to guide us all down the path You have chosen for each and every one of us. Be our Rod and our Staff as we walk, holding us up so we don’t stumble and fall. Thank You for knowing us and loving us, and when You see fit to “throw us out of our ‘comfort zones,’” help us to rely on you to get through the task you have set up for us.