In elementary school each year (3rd – 5th grade) we had a Cultural Arts Day.  We chose, ahead of time, activities we wanted to do from a list given us, and then on the day we followed a schedule leading us to each one.  One year, I think it was fifth grade, I chose mime.  I don’t know why, I guess it just sounded good at the time.  I remember sitting at a table in the library, listening to the presenter tell us to start with a wall.  We had to envision a wall that we would soon “press our hands against.”  This would help us with the mime.

I chose a brick wall.  I still remember how it looked, its’ color, its’ size.  It sticks with me to this day.

A brick wall.  Walls can be good things, surrounding us, keeping us sheltered from the elements.  They give us our privacy.  But at times walls can be bad.  They’re used as barriers that we form to keep us from getting hurt, from showing who we really are, from having to put ourselves out there and getting embarrassed.

Walls, though, are not that difficult to break down.  All we need are the right tools.  But a brick wall?  I think those are harder than any wall that’s formed with 2x4s and drywall.  They’re solid.  They’re thick.  They’re strong.  They’re sturdy.

To me, a brick wall resembles a barrier that has been up for a long time, becoming stronger as time goes on.  For me, my wall comes up when my heart doesn’t want to get too close to a situation.  In the books I’ve been reading I’ve come across the word, “victim.”  That’s what I don’t want to be.  That’s the reason my wall pops up.  I have dealt with “victims” my whole life; people who play the victim whether they really are one or not.  People who wallow in it and want people to feel bad for them whether they realize they are doing this or not.  I don’t want to be like that.  I don’t want people to feel bad for me.  I don’t want people to think that I’m reaching out because I want to be a victim.  That’s what I’ve been fighting all this time.

I read in Lysa Terkeurst’s book, Made to Crave, a quote she borrowed from Ruth Graham: “Either we can be victimized and become victims, or we can be victimized and rise above it.”  To rise above is what I always strive for.  I don’t want to wallow in my victimizations, and therefore I don’t.  But do I go too far?  When questions are asked in Bible studies there are some I don’t respond to.  I think, “If I answer this I’ll look like a victim.  I don’t want to come across that way, so I’ll just keep quiet.”  It’s at those times when I see my brick wall pop up in front of me.  And it doesn’t just pop up.  It grows.  It moves from side to side as I try to see around it.  My wall is strong.  It keeps me on my side.

I even have a hard time writing this type of post because I feel that I shouldn’t be writing so many “weakness” posts.  That thought keeps me from typing, even though it’s what God has put on my heart.  I fight it.  I don’t want to be seen as a victim.

I’m also reading Renee Swope’s “A Confident Heart,” and taking the online Bible study that goes along with it.  That’s really where this post stemmed from.  It didn’t mention being a victim, but as I read the chapter that’s what kept coming to my mind.  What Renee talked about was how we tend to hide behind the “I’m fine” quote when someone asks us how we’re doing.  Our response, whether it’s true or not, is, “I’m fine.”  It’s our barrier.  A barrier that keeps us from telling someone how we really are doing; it keeps us from letting someone in.

In this chapter Renee writes, “It can be hard to let people know how we’re really doing.  We don’t want to be high maintenance, right?”  She then goes on to say, “It’s embarrassing for people to see our flaws and failures, so we work hard to look like we’re doing fine from a distance.”

But, wait a minute!  To me, if I tell people how I’m really doing, I’m just acting like another victim, one who isn’t “rising above it.”  I’m not embarrassed, I just don’t want people to roll their eyes and think, “Oh, she’s like that.”

Oh, but Renee doesn’t stop there.  She goes on to say, “Pretending [that we’re fine] leads to hiding and isolation.  What we need is someone who will pursue us and accept us even though we’re flawed.”  And do you think she stops there?  Of course not.  She starts her next paragraph with, “Eventually, though, we find ourselves in the shadows of doubt, convinced that we aren’t worth knowing or pursuing.”

Wow.  Those last little “tidbits” sound  more like wallowing in victimization than just talking it out with someone else, letting someone else in on how you’re really doing.  Victimization of my own making.  Is that what I’m doing?  By putting up my brick wall, the wall I created for myself in a twenty minute activity in fifth grade, I’m becoming a victim, the one thing I keep fighting against.

So now what do I do?  Well, now I need to reevaluate what I read in these two books.  I have victimized my own self, and therefore to rise above it I need to let someone else in.  I need to focus first of all on God.  He is the one who will accept me, flaw and all, without question.  Then, with His help, I can begin to let someone else in.  This will be a long, hard process for me, but I know it’s possible with His help.

Have you found yourself in a similar place?  Putting up barriers because you don’t want someone to find out how you’re really doing, thinking that they will just roll their eyes at you because you’re too needy?  Too weak?  Find your own answers in your walk.  Seek out Christian books that can guide you along the way, and be sure to always seek Him.  He’ll guide you.

Lord God, I just thank You for leading me to a truth I was missing all this time.  I know I won’t change overnight, and that this will be a long process for me.  Give me strength to put into action what You have taught me, and guide me along the way.  Lord God, I love You, and without You I am nothing.

I was standing in church this morning, singing and praising God as we do during the first part of service, and one of the songs really touched me.  “Oh, Your cross, it changes everything.  There my life begins again with You.  Oh, Your cross, it’s where my hope restarts.  A second chance is Heaven’s heart.”  Another part of that song reads, “Countless second chances we’ve been given at the cross.”  Such beautiful lyrics.  It brought my mind back to where I was, and the “countless chances” I've been given.  It’s His cross where my life changed; changed for the better.  He gave me this hope.  Nothing I do should be without Him.  Then the next song began, and as I was singing along I found myself praying during the breaks.  I don’t even remember what song it was now, but what I prayed was that God forgave me for being distant these past few weeks, and then I told Him that He alone deserves glory, that He deserves all praise, and that He alone is good.  I told Him that I didn’t want to do anything unless it glorified Him.  I told Him that I knew I shouldn’t seek glory and praise for myself, but for Him.  In everything I do it should be to praise God, and to teach about Him.  In everything I do I want people to see God.

A Scripture verse I’ve come to love this week is Psalm 73:26.  It reads, “My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”  He is the one who gives me strength.  He is the one who gives me all that I have, and without Him I have nothing.  All that I do, all that I seek to do, should honor and glorify Him.  He’s the one who deserves the praise for what I do, not me.

Recently I had been offered a volunteer position for a website.  It’s a “traveling with kids” website where people write reviews of different places they’ve been to, to help other parents decide whether or not they want to take their kids.  It’s a great resource, and I was asked to head up assignments in New York State.  At first I was afraid because of my fear of phones and communication,  but I decided to push through and really give it some thought and prayer.  I didn’t want to brush it off so quickly.  Unfortunately, though, I felt like I was pushing God away, though I prayed for a decision.  What I realized right before I emailed the one in charge of this with a “no” was that what had kept me from saying no until that point was the fact that I would have loved to see my name and picture up with the rest of volunteers who do this same thing in other states.  That was my big draw.  Sure, it might be fun, and it would be a big help to the site, but I wanted to see my name up there.  I wanted to be recognized.  When I received an email detailing what was involved, I knew it was just too much for me to handle with everything else in my life right now.  I had to look at my priorities and there was no place for this.  I told my husband that it was pride that had been keeping me from saying no as he had watched me struggle with a decision.

I used to sing with my church when I was a teenager up through my early twenties.  I love to sing, and this was one of my favorite things to do.  But as the years passed I realized that I wasn’t singing to glorify God, but myself.  I reveled in people coming up to me and thanking me for a solo I sang, telling me how beautiful my voice was.  Oh how great that felt.  I would get upset with myself if I didn’t do a great job with this song or that, and I would wait to see if anyone would praise me the Sunday mornings I felt I did superb job.  As I entered into my later twenties my husband and I ended up at a different church, but I would skip a Sunday here and there to head back to my old church whenever my dad asked if I wanted to sing with him – he would cantor certain Sundays, and I loved to sing with him, but again I was looking for praise since we always chose such wonderful duets to sing together.  It was all about me.

I still find myself at times looking for praise for myself, which is why this morning was so perfect.  I was reminded that I have to focus on giving Him glory.  I want to write to teach about God, to bring people to Him.  When I sing, I want it to be giving praise to Him and only Him.  This is true with anything I do in my life.  I just need to remember this.

2 Corinthians 4:5-6 says this:  “For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants of Jesus’ sake.  For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.”  It’s not for ourselves, but for Him.  We need to be humble servants, seeking praise and glory only for Him.  This is what we are called to do.  This is what He gives us when we come to Him.  When we humble ourselves and allow Him to guide our actions everything will be where it should.

In Psalm 34, verses 1-3 David writes, “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.  My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.  Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.”  Interestingly enough this was one of the psalms I used to sing at church.  The answer was right in front of me the whole time, but I never saw it.  I love what David says in verse five, just two verses later.  He says, “Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”  When we seek to glorify God and not ourselves, His light makes us radiant.  When people see us ,God shines through.  Because we make Him the focus, give Him all credit, we will never be shamed.  Oh how good that feels!  I’m giddy just thinking about that.

So, let’s not seek praise for ourselves, but for Him, and Him alone.  Let us seek out His glory.  Let us be humble servants, never taking praise for ourselves.

Lord God, thank you for showing me that all praise, glory and honor goes to You, and when I give it to You, You will make me shine with Your light; my face will never be covered in shame.

My daughter is not a big fan of quiche.  Okay, to be honest, she hates it.  At least she says she does.  Each week my kids get to pick a meal that they’ll help me cook (they look through my cookbooks and cooking magazines), and one night last week my youngest son chose the “ever popular” quiche.   Oh so good; it’s one of my favorites.  My daughter protested before the day even came.  That night we were in a bit of a hurry because she had to get to her swimming class, and she claimed that her stomach was bothering her so she stayed away from the table for a little bit.  No time to eat.  Hmm….  Before we left for swimming she promised she would eat it for breakfast the next morning (after all, it is a breakfast dish!)

The next morning I warmed up the quiche and placed it down in front of her.  She looked at it.  She did not want to touch it.  There were pancakes left over from my husband’s breakfast, and she eyed those.  We told her she could have them after she ate this one small pie shaped piece of quiche.  She threw a fit, and continued to tell us, “Quiche makes me sick” – which it doesn’t.  Finally, after yelling and tears, she took a tiny bite, if you could call it that.  She began to gag.  And I began to get even more angry.  Needless to say, she finished the quiche, did not have the pancakes, and missed her bus in the process because she didn’t get moving.  It was not the best morning.

This isn’t the first fight we’ve had over food.  One stuffed mushroom which she really didn’t like has been the bane of the dinner table before, and she really did not like that.  Another dish has also played a part in this that, after all the fights, the grounding, and the serving it to her for dinner and breakfast until it was gone, she realized she actually liked.  Of course, because she had convinced herself that she wasn’t going to like it, it took a while to break through her pride and get her to admit that she really did.

There’s a story about my husband when he was a child.  He hated salmon, and he had told me that it used to make him throw up.  I enlightened him by telling him that it wasn’t the salmon that made him throw up, it was his temper tantrum and the fact that he convinced himself it would do so.  He sees that now, and though he still doesn’t like fish of any type save for shrimp, he eats it without incident.

This is what happens when we tell ourselves what the outcome will be before it actually happens.  “I’m not going to like this.”  “This will make me sick.”  “It won’t turn out well, so there’s no point in trying.”  There are hundreds of thousands of excuses out there that we cling to so that we can get out of the things that are not pleasing to us.

I don’t like phones.  I admit, I hate talking on the phone.  In my life there have been only a select few people who I’ve actually enjoyed talking to on the phone, and with them I could talk forever about nothing and I loved it.  But otherwise, I hate phones.  Calling to make appointments makes me anxious.  It takes me forever to get to it (when my husband refuses to do it for me), and I have to prepare.  I write down who I’m calling, the phone number, who I’m making the appointment for, and any other information I may need at the time.  I rehearse in my head what I’m going to say when someone at the other end answers.  Yes, I suffer from this.  It’s something I need to work on.  When I worked at Babies R Us I was the one who would place calls in the morning letting people know the furniture they had ordered was in and ready to be picked up.  I would double check who I was calling, dial, and while I listened to the ringing of their phone I would pray that that it was their answering machine so I could just leave a quick message.  That didn’t always work.

So it’s really no surprise that when I was asked to play a bigger role for a traveling with kids website- I’ve been a member for a few years and love writing reviews- recently that I freaked out.  It sounds like it would be fun; I’d have to find businesses where someone from the site could go (free of charge) and write a review about their time there.  That place would take care of all or most of the expenses.  Both the establishment and the one chosen to go would have to go through me.  When I told my husband about it he said, “You’ll probably have to have use the phone and you know how you are with phones.”  Big blow.  I do know how bad I am, how anxious I get around them (can I just say I love caller ID and my answering machine?).  My husband was giving up on me before I had a chance.  I was sick with worry from that point on, and I was going to tell them that I wasn’t interested.  But I wasn’t ready to say no just yet.  I don’t know why.  Instead I told the woman I was in contact with that I would like to hear more about it, and we agreed that she would call me this week (yes, the phone.  Joy).  I’ll make my decision after that.  Who knows.  Maybe this will be a good opportunity for me.  Maybe this is God’s way of getting me out of my comfort zone.  The day this all happened I wrote on as my Facebook status: “I like my comfort zone, thank you very much.”  And it’s true.  I don’t want to do anything that goes beyond that.

But God tries to get us out of our comfort zones to do His will.  As it is, it’s not easy being a Christian in a fallen world.  We’re called to go against the grain, and that’s not an easy feat.  But we can’t make excuses for not doing something whether it’s eating, working, volunteering, or just helping someone out.  If it exceeds our area of comfort, we need to seek Him to help us out.  More than likely He’s the one telling us that we need to do this.  I have heard so many excuses, “I can’t do it,” “That’s just not me,” “I’m too old,”  “I’m too young,” “It’s not my forte,” and so on.  Fear, pride, age, time, money, they all tend to weasel their way into our lives, giving us an “out.”  We can excuse ourselves to death if we try hard enough.

What would this world look like if Mary had said, “Yeah, great.  I don’t think I can do that.  I’m too afraid of what my parents and Joseph’s parents would say, not to mention Joseph himself.  Besides, I’m too young.  Why don’t you find someone a little older than me?”  Savior of the world?  Where would He be?

Or what if Jesus had given up on Peter when he got out of the boat and tried to walk to Jesus on the water?  “Well boy, you blew that one.  Maybe you shouldn’t have come out here since your faith is so weak.”  I don’t see Jesus saying that.

We can even look at King David’s life.  He was called up a couple of times.  “Hey David, slay this giant for us, okay?”  “Yeah, thanks, but I think I’ll pass.  I’m just a shepherd, the youngest of my brothers, and by no means the largest.  I’ll just stay here in the field.  Thanks anyway.”  Or, “You will be the next king.”  “Wow, that sounds so great, but I’m happy where I am. No one will want to listen to me, and I know I’m not cut out to be a king.  If I were I would not have been born the way I was.  Let someone else take it from here.”

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”  This is the message Jesus taught us in Matthew 19:26.  So if we set our fears, our worries, on Him and learn to trust Him, He will lead us through.  Maybe we’ll find that we weren’t meant to do what we thought we were being called to at that moment.  Maybe it was actually leading us somewhere else.  Or maybe we were called, and as scary as it may be, we should embrace it with God’s help and be the best we could be.  It’s a growth process.  Learning to trust the Lord will help us grow in Him, and we will be able to do things we have convinced ourselves we can’t do.

I’m still not sure what my answer will be to the position, but I’ve been praying about it, seeking His answer to the question of whether or not this is what I’m being called to.  My daughter will, bless her heart, still complain about the foods she swears up and down she does not like whether she has tried it or not, but I know one day she’ll start trying new things and realize just how much she does like.  I know that from experience with myself and my change in attitude toward food over the years.

What have you been struggling with, telling yourself that you can’t do for reasons that seem perfectly logical to you?  Bring them all to Jesus.

Lord, I just thank You for promising to always be there for us when we need you, knowing that You are always by our side.  Remind us daily to bring our cares to You, Lord, and help us to trust in You so we may be able to step out of the comfort zone that we have created for ourselves.  You did not create that for us, for You want so much more.

Despite the cold weather – it was 15 degrees out and snowing – I felt motivated enough to walk around my neighborhood.  I’ve been exercising for the past week, and I’ve been hurting.  The “new to exercise” soreness that I’m not a stranger to since I’ve started this type of thing a few times.  Because I knew it would pass, I pushed on, though I constantly prayed that the Lord would take the pain away quickly.  “At least by Friday since I have to volunteer at my son’s school.”  It hurt to walk, and it hurt even more to sit down or stand up.

But this day I kept pushing on.  I had i-heart radio playing K-LOVE on my phone, so I was all set with Christian music and inspiration.  I also continued to talk with God, my own little private time.

Now, my idea was to walk to the fork in the road, take a left, and then see how far I went – whether I turned down the first street for a shorter walk or kept going to make it a longer one would be decided in time.  There was a route I would work up to, once the warmer days of Spring or Summer came, but until then I was going to leave that alone.  As I walked along the road, heading toward the fork, I tried to push aside a “little voice” telling me to continue on.  It was telling me to go beyond this fork and walk to the road I wanted to go to when it was warm.  I didn’t want to do it, but I realized who was telling me this and decided not to fight it.  I knew that if I turned when I wanted to that I wouldn’t feel right about it.  A blatant disobeying.

So, when I reached that fork I continued on.  It was cold, but I was kept warm most of the way.  I reached that road and then I heard, “turn around.”  It didn’t feel right, and though I would have loved to, I turned down the street and continued on.  That felt right.  Down that road, then left to follow the next.  The next question was which road do I travel next?  Cut the walk short, or go all the way and make a full five mile walk?  I waited for the Lord to direct my steps.  I put my trust in Him, and let Him guide me.  As I got closer to the first road I heard, “go this way.”  Not knowing if it were true or if it was just me saying it, I asked.  “Is that you or is it me?”  “It’s me,” I heard, so I turned.  As I was walking down the road, my legs still sore from being used more than they had for a long time, Mandisa’s song “Stronger” came on and I had to laugh.  I know that it’s not about physical weakness and pain, but at that moment that’s exactly what it was for me.

“When the waves are taking you under
Hold on just a little bit longer
He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger
The pain ain't gonna last forever
And things can only get better
Believe me, this is gonna make you stronger
Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger”

All I kept thinking was that yes, I was hurting now, but if I continued the pain would go away.  And I knew that I was working to become stronger.  Stronger physically, and also stronger spiritually.  In my journey to a healthier me I am working on my walk with Him, and here He was telling me that if I kept going I would be stronger.  He was going to be with me all along the way.  He just had a sense of humor about it.

This also reminds me of a verse I tend to repeat throughout my thirty minutes of exercise each morning: “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13).  It seems to help, especially through the really difficult parts, and I truly believe it when I say it.

We need to remember that no matter what we’re going through – whether physical, mental, or spiritual- that we rely on Him to strengthen us.

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me your strength, for showing me that if I just rely on you no matter how hard things may get you will make me stronger.

    I love the song by Garth Brooks called “Unanswered Prayers.”  It makes you think about your life and wonder what it would have been like if God DID answer that prayer.  “Lord, please let me marry someone rich and famous, or even just a wealthy doctor or lawyer.  You know how expensive my taste is.”  Or, “Lord, this is how I would like my life to play out.  Please make it happen.”  But He gives you something else instead.  The chorus of the song goes like this:

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

    I do thank Him for the unanswered prayer for a marriage partner.  Yes, my father always told me to marry rich because of my expensive taste, but God introduced me to a chemist who, though the title sounds like it would be great, doesn’t see nearly as much salary as I had hoped for.  But I’m in love with him, and he’s a huge reason I’ve become so close to God.  He’s truly helped me in my faith walk, and he's my best friend.  We have three beautiful children together, a house in what I call “suburbia in the country,” aka. a housing development in a rural town with a cornfield at the end of the street, good schools, a great church, and the list goes on.  Thank you, Lord, for that unanswered prayer.

Oh, but this isn’t about unanswered prayers.  Nope.  This post is about an answered prayer that, well, I really didn’t want answered.  Or maybe I did, but I think He answered too quickly for me.  Yeah, maybe that’s it.  Anyway, let me start from the beginning, or at least a beginning.

    In January 2009 I decided that I was just too fat.  The scale read the numbers I never fathomed I would be reading on a scale.  I had three kids, no exercise regimen, and poor eating habits.  I was over 200 pounds.  214 to be exact.  Not cool.  In an online forum-based mom’s group I was a member of at that time a new forum called “Biggest Loser” was created.  It was based on the popular TV show of the same name, and anyone in the group who wanted to take part in this private forum could do so.  We shared recipes, gave each other exercise and eating tips, and really motivated each other.  Through that group I was introduced to an exercise program I could do on my Wii, and I fell in love with a healthy living website called SparkPeople (www.sparkpeople.com).  By April I had lost 40 pounds.  I dropped from a size 20/22 pants to a size 14, and my next goal was a size 12.  I loved the way I was starting to look in the mirror.  I could smile at my reflection.  I was happy, and my mood and my energy were far better than they had been.

    Then May hit.  On May 3rd my father died suddenly of a massive heart attack on the 4th green at his favorite 9 hole golf course.  Following his death I became addicted to coffee.  No, not just coffee.  Specialty coffee.  Oh so yummy sugar and fat filled coffees found a McDonalds and Starbucks (I hadn’t yet started my love for Tim Hortons).  I would make any excuse to stop.  I was so bad that when I would drive home from my mom’s or the mall (two towns over) I would pull into the McDonalds parking lot that just so happened to be on my way, pull up to the drive-thru, and order a medium mocha.  Sometimes a large, never a small.  If my kids were in the car I’d feel bad, so I would ask if they wanted chicken nuggets.  Way to go mom!  Yes!  Yeah…..

    So my fattening coffee addiction was under way.  Then, in September my five-year-old son was diagnosed with cancer.  We lived in the hospital for the first month, eating oh so healthy hospital food.  Oh, and in the lobby?  My now favorite coffee of all time:  Finger Lakes Coffee Roasters.  I had such wonderful friends through my mommy group, and they bestowed upon me little gift certificates and a punch card for the coffee stand in the lobby.  Or the one near the green elevators.  Didn’t matter, they were both the same.  And of course his treatments took three months to fully finish, plus every other month for a while after we had to go back for CTs and blood work.  I looked forward to those visits.  Mmmm….  Yes, bad mom.

    Needless to say, my healthy eating habits deteriorated.  I still made healthy meals at times, but too often we were eating pizza, Chinese take-out, eating out at different restaurants (I don’t need to tell you what that did to our finances), and stopping through the drive-thrus.  Oh how I watched for Starbucks drive-thrus on our way to different vacation spots.  I would have to come up with an excuse, typically, “I’m tired because of traveling and really need a pick-me-up.”  My husband knew better, and more than once he just kept on driving.  Good boy.

    So where is this long winded story going?  It’s going to get even longer.

    I’ve tried, and failed, to get back into the eating right and exercising routine.  I have put my 14s on hold for a while and have been praying that I don’t go above 16.  I’m holding steady, but those 16s have started to get a little tight.  Not good.  It doesn’t help that I would sit on the couch all day (not every day, but once or twice a week when I decided to have a lazy day) and watch about 5 episodes of a K-drama.  K-dramas are dramas from Korea, spoken in Korean with English subtitles.  Hey, I was getting some reading done!  Did I forget to mention that each episode was about 1 hour and 15 minutes long?  I’m not proud of that, I admit it.  So my whole day was wasted on the lives of made up characters in a country halfway around the world, wishing I had a life like they did.  All this while eating a tub of hummus with pretzel chips or pita chips (it’s healthy, right?).

    Yeah, I probably knew I was gaining weight, but I didn’t care.  Until I did.  In my church the new year always starts off with a 21 day fast.  My husband and I tried the Daniel Fast one year, decided it was too costly to do in the winter time, and gave up.  That was two years ago.  Last year I was bound and determined to do some fast, but I don’t even think I made it two days.  This year I made a more realistic goal for myself, and I’ve been doing well.  I allow myself only one cup of coffee a day, and not the specialty kind.  One cup (in the morning) from my Keurig, and I can only put skim milk and sugar (or Splenda) in it.  No International Delight creamers.  I’m learning to drink tea now, and I don’t allow myself to put anything in it.  I don’t snack in between meals unless I really need something because time between lunch and dinner is extended for some reason, but only a healthy snack (a truly healthy one) is allowed.  I don’t play games on my phone, and I don’t watch anime or K-dramas.  And you know what?  I feel amazing!  I’m reading my Bible still, making healthier decisions for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I’m reading “Made to Crave” by Lysa Terkeurst (http://madetocrave.org/).  LOVE that book.  If you’re looking for a way to make your body healthier while at the same time drawing closer to God, this book is the one to go to.

    So what does this have to do with answered prayers?  Well, since I started reading Lysa’s book I’ve been more motivated.  I wanted to start slow, and that’s what I did.  I started just with eating better.  Exercise would come shortly.  I started officially exercising (oh, who am I kidding, I started exercising) this past Friday, but I knew it was coming.  Lysa had written in her book about finding a friend to be accountable to, and even to exercise with.  Well, I don’t really have anyone like that, so that wasn’t an easy chapter for me to read.  But, I took it to God, and I asked that He put someone in my life whom I could do this with.  More to the point, I had, back in 2010, taken a running class with a friend through a fitness store, and the “graduation” was a 5k.  My first and only.  I had actually enjoyed getting up early on Saturdays to run with the group.  Unfortunately, it was just too much to keep driving the distance I had to to do this, and my friend lives just as far.  I just wanted something close by, someone to run, or even walk, with.

    Small groups!  Our church has two semesters each year of small groups, and this past Fall they tried something new.  Instead of going to your normal “Life group” as they had been called, you now got to see what each group was offering that semester by way of content, and you could decide what you wanted to do.  In Fall it was fairly easy.  It was a tossup between the book of Ruth or C.S. Lewis’ book The Screw Tape Letters.  My husband and I opted for Ruth, and it was great.  This semester, however, I wasn’t so thrilled about the picks.  It wasn’t a matter of, “which one should I choose,” but a matter of, “I hate them all.  I don’t want to do any of them.  Couldn’t someone have picked something good?”

    Wow.  If anyone is reading this who actually is a leader of one of those groups, please don’t take offense.  It’s not you.  It’s me.  I knew that there were quite a few there that I would have loved to have done, but because I was being led in a direction I didn’t want to go, nothing looked appealing.  One of those groups was called Run for God (through www.runforgod.com).  The group will meet on Tuesday nights, and there’s an optional Saturday morning run/walk.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  My husband is doing the men’s group on Tuesday night, and we wanted to do our groups on different nights so the kids didn’t have to go out.  Yeah, so what if the leaders house is right across the street from the street my kids’ friends live on?  Nope.  Not doing it.  I’m not getting up early on a Saturday.  I LIKE sleeping in on Saturdays.  Nope.  Not gonna do it.  I was so mad and practically in tears as I was talking to my husband about how terrible the picks were this time around for groups.  I told him that maybe this was God’s way of telling me to take a semester off.  But then I could see myself sitting in church, my pastor praising the small groups and asking who was already in one.  I could see my husband’s hand go up, but not my own, and I knew I’d be missing out on something.  OK.  So then, what do I pick?  I decided I would look through the paper again with the descriptions of all groups and try to find one “open mindedly” that I could see myself going to.  I looked at the paper, read through it twice, and then put it back down.  Maybe I’ll pray about it tonight.

    And that’s what I did.  I asked God to show me what group I was supposed to be in.  I didn’t expect Him to answer right away, but He did anyway.  I’m a very visual person, and He showed me a picture of the cute stick figure logo on the Run for God website (which I had checked out previously).  So, that was my answer.  I said, “Alright, I get it.  I’ll join that group.”  And I’ve been at peace since.  This Sunday I signed up at the Run for God table.  Well, to be honest, my husband signed me up because I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to church because of my son, but that’s another story.   He signed me up for the Tuesday night meetings before church, and at the end of church I signed myself up for the Saturday morning walk/run.  Now I’m waiting for the student book that I ordered online, and am actually looking forward to the start of the semester.
  
  I could end this by saying, “be careful what you pray for,” but I know that’s not what I need to say.  Just a little friendly reminder that God hears us, and He has a plan for us.  We learned at church recently that we have a journey we’re on.  It’s not a ‘to-do’ list, nor is it a check list.  I took that to heart this Sunday when the associate pastor was talking to us about this, and I know that he’s right.  I knew already that I had been on a journey, one that is bringing me closer to God.  He has been putting things in my path, and it’s up to me to pick them up and add them to my pack as I walk.  He gave me the fast, then the book Made to Crave, and then the Run for God group.  He answered my prayer of having someone (heck, this is a group of someones) to run or walk with on Saturday mornings.  Go figure.  Praise Him for all prayers answered and unanswered, and don’t resist Him when He does answer that one prayer that you maybe could have held off on a little bit longer.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 
                                                                                -Jeremiah 29:11

    Dear Heavenly Father, I praise You and thank You for all that You have done, for all the prayers that You have answered for me, and for those left unanswered.  Only You know the path I need to take, for You have set it in front of me.  Keep my foot from slipping.  And may all that I do be for the glory of Your great name, and not for me.