But how does that help me? It doesn’t. What am I doing? I’m pushing away the One who gave me life, who created me in His image, who sent His Son to die for me. The One who loves me and will never stop loving me. Why am I doing this? Selfishness. I have other things to do. I’m busy. I’m too tried. I want to do something else right now. Fear. I don’t want to hear what He has to tell me. What will He make me do? What will He make me give up this time? Will He make me leave my comfort zone again? I really hate that. Doubt. Am I really hearing from Him? IS this Him, or is it just me? Am I making this whole thing up? Is this really what God wants me to do? Am I really hearing from Him, or am I just so impatient that I come up with my own answers?
So why bother? But yet He’s there for me. I still see His face, kind, loving, smiling. Looking at me; waiting for me to return. God is a God of action, yet while He’s making blind men see and lame men walk, He’s sitting back, patiently waiting for me.
It’s my time to return. Again. And again. And again. A constant cycle, one that tends to repeat in my life. Yet, I know he’s not angry. He’s not mad. He’s just smiling at me, waiting for me to return again.
Dear Lord Jesus, I’m sorry for making you wait for me. Again. I’m sorry for continuing this cycle. I know that you love me, and that you will never leave me, and I am so very thankful for that. Your patience is unending, you love never fails. Grant me the mercy that you so graciously bestow, and allow me to walk by your side again. I love you.